Last night as I drifted off to sleep I was thinking about the book “Captivating” and how I should read another section and post on it (which I will hopefully do later). Then I got to thinking about it, and what I’ve learned so far.
I had a memory of talking to one of my friends about 2-3 years ago. She had told me she was feeling distant from God, and that she wasn’t sure what was wrong. Then she got it. “I haven’t cried in 3 months…” She said through IM as we talked one afternoon. Faster than I really realized I replied with “Wow…that’s not good.”
I surprised myself at how quickly I was able to come to the determination that it was an unhealthy thing to not have cried for 3 months. If you think of it rationally (I guess) it should be a good thing to not have cried. Crying is bad! Right?
I’ve always thought that a man that cries is admirable (not sure about how I felt about women crying). Of course, not a ridiculously emotional baby of a man, but when something devastating happens and men hold it in because of an ego, it’s intimidating and unrealistic. I admire a man who can cry, but tries not to in ordinary circumstances. As I’ve explained in a previous post before, I have gone through great battles learning to control my emotions to the point of ignoring them so I don’t cry. Why is this? Because I feel weak when I cry. Just like most men think. I absolutely HATE crying. If I cry, then something is REALLY REALLY wrong.
However, women are emotional creatures. We feel more than we admit to most of the time, and empathy is a strength we possess. It has been a huge struggle to control my emotions, and now I sometimes regret ever doing it, because I’ll end up having silly meltdowns when I hit the tip of the ice-burg if I simply ignore it. I mean, think about it. How many times to women cry in a weeks time? Interesting question, isn’t it?
I think that women can succesfully “hold in” their tears and be a brave girl and not show weakness in that manner (which sometimes it is very necessary to hide that side of ourselves), but you have to take it with a different approach. You have to give the situation that is causing you grief, to God, and then think it through rationally without getting swept away, but without ignoring it either. You HAVE to acknowledge the hurt, worry, or fear. Otherwise you’re just stuffing yourself full of pain and anxiety that will eventually have to come out. And if you stuff it, it will come out in an explosion- believe me.
Why did my friend feel so distant from God because she didn’t cry in 3 months? I think that it was because she was trying so hard to be happy in her life, that she was pretending. Instead of putting on God’s joy every day, by having faith in His everlasting love, protection, and guidance. The fact that she hadn’t cried, was a symptom of her relying on her of strength to get through the hard times. Which I identified with more than I think she even knew at the time.
I think it’s an important thing to remember that as many times we humans practice control, even for something as “simple” as emotions, we will ultimately realize that Jesus Christ has the ultimate control. Our efforts in taking on the world by the ears will be futile if we do not seek first, our Lord. Who gives, and takes away- but in all things, loves and protects His people.
God doesn’t make bad things happen. Because he loved us so much to allow us to choose to love him or not (forced love, is not love at all), we live in a sinful world (because of adam and eve, and any other human in their place). He is there hoping we will love him back, by choosing to obey Him as a Father. He is there to protect when bad things happen, He is there to teach through the bad things that happen, and He is there to love unconditionally, all who are created.
So maybe I won’t be crying at everything that makes me sad. But I will be trying my very best to rely on God’s strength. Not just mine.