, , , , , ,

You may remember this picture from my post about my chaotic desk. Well, as I mentioned in that post, this “thing” you see here plastered on my wall measures about a foot and a half long. It is COVERED in notes about a few books I am working on, and this is just one of three like it. Oh yeah…book…

So I’ve been toying with the idea of a book for over a couple years now. Just recently I got the idea for two books. One a horror with a twisted plot and macabre content all directed at a specific point, and the other a not-so-feel-good story about life and the importance of it. Both of them are extremely important to me to finish, because I can see them. I always tell myself, if I can imagine it in its finished state, then I can do it. I can picture the finished product of both of them, but it seems that every time I attempt to work on either of them, I sit here in front of my screen blasting music as loud as i can to keep from distracting myself with the happenings of the house, and finding nothing to put into the story.

I’m an organizer. But with creativity, organization can cripple. I love plotting it all out and getting everything organized, but when it comes to the actual writing I get way off course and eventually I go around in circles with what I was planning to write, and what I came up with last minute. Now it’s gotten to the point where I don’t try anymore because I know what will happen. This is even more discouraging because there are several other non-fiction books I want to write, about things that have happened in my life and things I have learned. But then I start wondering; “Who on earth would even want to publish this, let alone buy it?” Which makes me even MORE discouraged.

Sadly all I can do now is sit here and complain to no end about my frustration with my book(s). That in and of itself is a sign of a pathetic ability to create that stands before a project that comes with no instructions or direction. Perhaps I will attempt to work on it later today, and see what I come up with.

I dearly love writing- which is why I blog… But when it comes to putting organization with creativity, I’m shot. Perhaps that is the battle every artist will have to fight with their paintbrush and stop-watch waving around at each other to see who wins. Perhaps this is why most artists give up (me) on their projects and stick to doodling daisies on math papers or napkins.

At any rate, I shall not give up. I hope that whatever I do with these stories God will bless my work- even if its a few books I know people likely would not want to read. Well, it’s off to battle creativity vs. methodical orderliness!