Recently I have been working heavily on writing. I have a few things in the works that I am hoping will actually come to fruit. In my writing I needed to look at a few old journal entries- I always seem to get ideas from them.
In my search, I found a journal entry from August 20th 2007. It’s strange that I found this now, just as I am about to start my “adventure”, and become (in a way) what God wants me to be for the rest of my life. I thought I would share what I found. I wrote this during a storm on evening at age 13.
I can smell the candles burning, and I can hear the thunder. I see the lightning and I feel the rain. The floor under me is strong- the walls around me still stand. The smooth feeling of the paper is real. I see the lights flickering in the storm- and I know where I am. But for some reason it all seams fake. Like a dream or the beginning of a story in a book. Almost as if something amazingly wonderful is about to happen, take place, begin. As if God himself is looking down on me and saying “be ready”. Somehow I get that feeling a lot when it rains; when its been such a bad day, or nothing is right and then God whispers quietly “be ready…your adventure begins soon”. I just find myself dreaming about what that adventure might be. Of what stands before me. The answers are only in the future- I wont find them until they choose to reveal themselves. But still, I long to know. I pray day and night for that all to begin. I’ve always thought that it would be the start of my life. That it would tell me who I am. So I’m waiting for it. Constantly. I know God has a huge thing for me to do…. And I know that it will be the start of a new me. A new purpose and hope. I don’t exactly know what I should be looking for, but I know I’ll know it when I see it. I only hope God will send someone with me that can help me through it. My story is about to begin. The adventure awaits.
All I need now is the key to the door. I need to know who I am.
God, show me please.
This was written as a result of many feelings…mostly bad ones. But still I find it funny that looking back, age 14 was the beginning of everything that shaped me into who I am now. Because of what happened in those year, I now have a story to tell. It seems now, that God really was promising me something. I just didn’t see it for what it was.