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Fearless

~ you better look alive

Fearless

Monthly Archives: November 2010

Change

21 Sunday Nov 2010

Posted by toseeincolor in Uncategorized

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Ever since I started this blog I decided I would hold things back. I didn’t realize how bad that could be until now. Since moving from my home I have realized that there are a lot of things that were going on around and in me that I wasn’t noticing. Those things are important, and I think that I need to be honest with myself in allowing them to come out, rather than keeping them inside. The difficult part of letting things go and not keeping secrets, are those people that would take those secrets and use them for bad things. For me, there are a lot of people that could use my secrets against me and others. Sometimes I feel like all I am is secrets, and while I know that isn’t true, it’s still hard. There are secrets in me that most people never want to know. So, I’ll understand if I never get another comment or view again. The reality is, reality. It cannot be hidden, it simply is, and trying to hide it only makes things worse. So, in the interests of getting a firm grip on my reality, and perhaps sharing something that might help someone else, here goes…

From now on, my story will be my story. Without holding back and without secrets. If someone reads this that I would prefer not to, then so be it. I cannot change the reality, and the person that they think they are knowing is not me. Perhaps if God leads them to know the true me, then that is for the better. But for now, I’m not going to worry about that.

Hopefully what I write here will benefit someone in some way.

In my next post I will write about what is going on in my life right now, and the new things I’m discovering about my not-so-perfect past. I hope it’s worth something.

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almost

17 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by toseeincolor in Uncategorized

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Tags

kiss

sweet
scary
calming
safe
im safe
i love you
addicted
stuck
forever
yours
only yours
a little
just a little
but everything
please dont stop.

fire

17 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by toseeincolor in Uncategorized

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a fire,
that everyone stared at,
some were scared
and some didn’t care.

others were disappointed.

she was just too strong,
and much too weak,
her fire burned
and she was scarred.

so she shakes when he holds her,
so she hurts when he cant,
so she hates every man except him,
because they’ve all hurt her.

she misses her God,
that could calm down the flames.
that could rain down on her,
and make her new.

she just wants to know him.
More than she does…

because she’s far too much.
and she’s lonely.
and there’s so much to try to avoid.
and theres too many things that have to wait.
so she’s still lonely.

she carries the weight of her own, and her

family.
the dark secrets and the pain.
the confusion and the blame.
it’s starting to make sense.
but its still always there.
so she’ll tattoo “fearless” on her arm.
and she’ll remember the unseen scars.

maybe she can burn to the ground,
doing something important.
and maybe she can light the world,
with her fire.
maybe she isnt volatile,
maybe she’s just hurt,
and maybe she wants to burn the darkness,
maybe she wants to see in the dark.

maybe she’s made of light.
that God gave her.
not perfect.
but not dead.

alive. fire burning.
forever.

Reflection

16 Tuesday Nov 2010

Posted by toseeincolor in Poetry

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There were, in a sea of stars,
reflected on the ocean,
the second moon,
the moon’s dear friend.

And in the day,
the friend would hide,
and drown out in the light,
and come back when the ocean dimmed.

The moon never knew the name of its friend.
So he lived in the bliss of illusion.

Like all of us.

blind

16 Tuesday Nov 2010

Posted by toseeincolor in Poetry, random, ranting

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There were never fine lines,
drawn to make a time.
so why am i hurting?

i guess I’m blind.

Today. 10 things.

06 Saturday Nov 2010

Posted by toseeincolor in Uncategorized

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So right now I’m sitting in the computer lab contemplating some things:

1. i want a flip video camera

2. should i become an MD to move towards psychiatry?

3. gossip burns…….its more dangerous than fire.

4. when will i get married?

5. orange juice is nice.

6. i miss taking photos…

7. it’s cold in here, like always.

8. sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is not chew someone out, no matter how bad the person is being. sometimes silence is far more damaging to the wrongdoing.

9. i hope it snows soon… but i want my coat to come first.

10. i miss him.

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