So it’s 1:57 in the morning on the 23rd of December. As I sit here in my little room at college with my tiny christmas tree and little christmas cards arranged on my dresser-top, I’m thinking back to all the holidays I’ve spent with family. This year obviously I’m not going home for the holidays, and I’ll be spending them here in Texas.
Life has been pretty weird as of late. I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the future. Being a psychology major, finding the job for me will be a bit tricky. It’s such a broad field, and I’m not sure what I really want to do aside from the things that, well, I really want to do. I keep wondering if thinking about it is even productive. God has clearly shown me that He wants me to tell people my story, to help them tell and understand their own. And I know that He wants me to do that through writing, and through the performing and illustrative arts. I suppose what’s bothering me, is that I need a specific title to shoot for. A specific type of person in a specific field of something that does a specific thing. But more and more I’m realizing that God is trying to teach me to work directly under His direction- which isn’t exactly always with specifics. In fact, the people who have directly worked for God have had to get used to God’s last-minute organizational style. He seems to show up just at the last minute, allowing us to exercise faith, and trust. Perhaps He is asking me to trust Him by not leaning my much appreciated specifics. So maybe I shouldn’t be so worried about who and what I should specifically be, but rather continue to do what I know I can do, and what I know God has called me to do, and trust Him with the rest. Faith. It seems God never stops working things out in my life to be lessons of faith. He knows how hard it is for me to trust… and I think I don’t even know how hard it is for me. I go through my life thinking I’m faithful, and yet God keeps bringing up situations where I have to trust Him completely with the big and even the little things. I think He knows, that I haven’t a clue of how unfaithful I tend to be.
It’s nice to be looked after that way. It really is.
So, as I reflect back on where I was this time last year, and wonder where I will be in the future, I think I’ll just enjoy where I am and appreciate it for what it is. I need to live more in the moment. I need to keep each day before I lose it.
It’s now 2:08 am on the 23rd of December. What a lovely day it’s been. I’m so glad to have lived to see the purple Texas sunset, and I can’t wait to see many many more.
Praise the Lord. He is forever, but more than that, He is HERE.