Ever since I was little I have been an artist. Never a great artist, but I loved expressing myself through art. Lately, I’ve been trying to work more on that aspect of my life. Sometimes I find, it’s very hard for me to deal with emotions when I cant see them. Art helps me see them, and then they seem more tangible – more controllable.
Something though that I’ve realized, is during the hardest part of my life, I never could paint or draw in colors other than red, black and white. If I did paint in other colors, they were all very dark- almost indestinguishable from other colors. The reason, is because those colors are all I saw. Because of the dark aspects of that part of my life, all I saw was anger and darkness. Red and black. Today, 3 years out of that darkness, I still have great trouble painting in colors. It’s interesting, because as I was logging in today to my WP, i realized that my username was “to see in color”. Ive obviously always known that, and I created my own username…but I never really knew why until today. That username was created (as Ive used it for other things) many years ago while I was still struggling with the hardest time in my life that I have ever gone through. I was seeking color. I was seeking life in a world that was so void of it.
Today, I can admire the beautiful color of blue in the sky. The brownish black nailpolish I’m wearing. My favorite blue mug. The green in my daisy plant. The pink floral print on my comforter. I can see color. Sometimes the biggest gifts we have been given are the smallest and the most unnoticed. Color, is one of those. Color is breathtaking. It is unique. It creates. It fades and brightens. Color is infinite.
Though, color can only be seen when there is light. Isnt that interesting? It takes light- a brightness- to see the glorious colors around us. In the darkness, it is often difficult to distinguish one color from another. It took me finding God, and stepping into the light, to really appreciate and see color. To see life.
I may not be able to paint in color yet, but I’ll get there. And maybe what Ive kept from those dark aspects will make others appreciate color more, when they can see what life looks like through the eyes of someone who’s life was colorless, and dark. I love seeing God’s diversely colored paint scattered around this little world. Just imagine what color will look like in heaven… 🙂