its like she said,
she was worried dad wouldnt love her as much when i was born.
and she said she got over it but i dont think she did.
she works hard
to make sure we are bad kids.
to make sure we arent what he really wanted.
but she is.
she works hard to make sure we know
we’re not allowed to be sick
when she is
because then shed have to take care of us
and she wouldnt get the attention
so she gets mad at us
and we are left on our own.
unless,
she has someone to impress,
if even herself or us,
to try and make her look like a better person.
so she’ll be nice to us,
and play the good mom.
but really
we all know who she is.
and it is hard to remember the things we want to forget.
so it is hard to keep our guard up.
especially,
when they were supposed to love you.
like my mother,
my father doesnt care enough to seek truth.
he believes her lies and twisted reality,
and blames us.
for everything.
the dirty house,
the kids not being educated,
the laundry not being done,
the van not working,
the lightbulbs always going out..
and this is how it goes.
a vicious cycle of lies and things said to make us hurt more.
because of a hurt not dealt with.
because of a hurt that was burried.
because they are cowards,
too afraid to look in the mirror,
and see what they have become.
and so i promise to look in the mirror,
to see myself for who i am.
to follow God not because religion makes me stronger and i can make people feel guilty.
because i know it is right, and i have seen God, and i know He is watching closely.
you cannot hurt me forever, mom.
you will not reject me forever, dad.
one day i will be free.
this beautiful cage wont look so pretty anymore.
cause ill break through it,
and smash it to a thousand pieces.
you cant break me ever again.
you did once.
but i have been born again.
the bailey you know,
is not the bailey i am.
and you have no power over me.

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