I WAS ACCEPTED!
Lubbock Christian University accepted my application!!!! They sent me the certificate above (Which says “Maria” instead of my real last name “Marie” because they goofed. lol).
I am SO excited! Though, I wasn’t in the beginning. I had gotten back from an amazing time with my friend Laura (which I will post about later) to my parents asking all kinds of questions about BreakDown (my drama team that I am involved with, and wish to start while I’m in Texas- see here http://www.breakdownunited.com), and about Texas. The reason they were asking was because I was recently thinking about leaving because I felt as though there was nothing for me to do and I was in the way of things, as the ministry has gone through a lot of changes and I’m used to the old way. I tend to remind our new director about the way it used to be, and I feel as though perhaps I’m causing a problem just because my vision of BreakDown is different than his. Well, I plan to talk to my director about my concerns instead of just leaving, so I can seek his wisdom on it. But, my parents weren’t too happy with me about it, saying that it was silly for me to quit if I’m going to start a BreakDown team later. Fact is, the way BreakDown is now, is simply not the way I see it. And though it is an AMAZING vision, I just feel as though there is nothing left for me to do.
The next question they asked me was what it was LCU sent me, as they had put the mail on my desk and were waiting for me to open it, knowing what it more than likely was. I said I would open it, then stopped. I just couldn’t. I felt guilty being excited about the college accepting me if they didn’t want me going in the first place. Honestly, I feel like a very bad kid sometimes. I can go to BreakDown and feel inspired about what I want to do, and where I’m going. I can talk to my friends, and my youth coaches about it, and I feel excited and able to do these things. But when it comes to my parents, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I don’t know why they don’t want me to go, or don’t feel encouraged that I’m doing something I feel I need to do.
My sister finally talked me into opening the large envelope and I saw the large blue folder that held a fancy piece of paper with a gold label on it. I was accepted. I was so excited!!! Megan was sure to tell me “Remember, it wasn’t you that got you accepted. It was God.” She was very right. I was ecstatic that God had pulled me through so many things like the ACT while being sicker than I’ve ever been, being accepted, finding a way to pay for college…everything.
I told my mom as she stood at the top of the stairs out of sight that I had been accepted and that I received a $2,500 scholarship, and could raise it if I took my ACT again and got a better score. She said “That’s great, I’m happy for you…”
That was it.
The theme of my life right now is being pulled between what is right, and what is wrong, and confusing the two. I realized today as I relived showing her later that night the certificate of acceptance, that I imagine myself in the miniature movie that was a re-inactment, as a little girl. I pictured myself being 3 feet tall, and holding the envelope up so she could see it, her being at least 2 feet taller than me.I still see myself as a child. I still see myself as not being able to do anything that a grown-up can do. Why is that?? I really don’t know. All I know is, I want to do these things. Even if I’m small, and even if I still feel like a child this verse really says it all:
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
-1 Timothy 4:12
Even though I feel like I’m trying to turn mountains upside down and keep them balanced by the point on the ground, I know I can do it. God has given me the ability, and He has commanded that I not allow myself to be looked down upon, but to reach out and show them the Lord’s strength and power through my obedience and purity. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m going.
I know my parents are doing what they can. So to anyone who might read this, and think badly of the people in your life that are shooting things down (or seemingly so) that you feel called to do, just remember. God is above all things. And especially if they are parents, understand that they have to be cautious, because they love you, and God will speak through them regardless of what they say or do.
Don’t be afraid to reach for things, but reach with the understanding that you may give up everything in order to get there. However, God will always replenish that which you give to Him in some way or another- He has promised that.